


for the last time

by moonddust



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Armin Arlert Needs a Hug, Eremin - Freeform, Eren Yeager Needs a Hug, Hurt No Comfort, POV Armin Arlert, Platonic Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Sad Ending, Self-Indulgent, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, well mostly.. armin does think about eren's lips like once but yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29235387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonddust/pseuds/moonddust
Summary: As the world crumbles around them, Armin and Eren meet for the last time.
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	for the last time

**Author's Note:**

> \- contains aot manga spoilers!! i don't recommend reading unless u are pretty much or completely caught up. this is basically my take on the ending lol  
> \- pls refrain from reading if u get easily disturbed by descriptions of gore!!
> 
> inspired by this amazing piece of art by @/senneiy1 on twitter: https://twitter.com/senneiy1/status/1341787364201414658?s=20
> 
> enjoy!!

Armin looked across the vast land, tainted with blood and suffering. The corpses - although, could they even be called that? - were supposed to lie in huge heaps, towering toward the sky, but the weight of the titans had crushed them flat into the ground. Some were fortunate enough to have been flattened sparingly with certain limbs still intact. Pools of blood, some dried and some still fresh, shaped around what used to be happy, living people. As far as Armin could tell, the bodies continued on endlessly. He stared at one whose head was facing him. There was an obvious indent where the forehead was, but its eyes... They were horrific to look at, filled with pure terror and begging for someone to save them.

He averted his gaze. A sudden, uncontrollable need to vomit began to consume him. He swallowed it down and forced himself to take a deep breath before aiming his line of sight up above at the sky.

The sky, huh? The sky from his childhood had been bright, vibrant, and painted with soft swirls of white clouds. He had been perfectly content with sitting by the water and admiring its beauty for hours at a time. Eren had enjoyed those times, too.

Eren...

Armin shook his head. It was so cruel. Was this the same sky as the one from all those years ago? It was now a mix of white and gray; funnily enough, he wished he could see more gray. Nearly the entirety of it was covered with ugly, white steam. It presented itself so similarly to the clouds from before, yet it caused Armin to break out in a cold sweat. How many titans, he wondered, did it take to block out something as infinite as the sky? Vivid images of the appalling creatures assaulted his mind, and he once again had to shake his head to clear them.

And how he had been ecstatic to finally see the ocean. Those books had displayed such beautiful, awe-filled images. Armin had been mesmerized by them... by the way the water sparkled against the warm sunlight. Sure, there were seas inside the walls, but they could not compare in the slightest. When he got to see the ocean, _touch_ the ocean with his own hands, he felt as if all that pain had maybe been worth it. Dreams weren't easy to achieve, but he had done it, hadn't he? His dream was... fulfilled.

A small house stood behind him, miraculously still intact - well, for the most part. One side of the roof had been crushed, scattering wooden splinters aside the other half that had not been disturbed. A pitiful excuse of a wall obstructed his full view of what laid inside, but a small, cracked window allowed him to see Mikasa hastily wrapping Jean's gash with a strip of her clothing. She used her shirt, which - originally white as snow - was quickly dyed deep scarlet. Captain Levi and Connie were leaned against the wall, bodies still. Armin had already dressed their wounds as best as he could, but he knew it wasn't enough. The blood flowed so heavily that the two were essentially sitting in a pool of their own blood. When Mikasa raised her head, her gaze met Armin's for just a second and Armin had to look away before he could catch the hopeless dread in her eyes. Turning around so that his back was towards the building, he tried to clear his mind.

Hope was such a dangerous thing to have - the epitome of empty promises and master of deceit. It was trusted to bring happiness during dark times but offered nothing of it when it was needed the most.

When Eren had disappeared without a word, Armin could understand him. When Eren had decided all on his own to attack Marley, Armin could understand him. But when Eren had willingly put his so-called comrades and friends in danger, Armin's hope began to waver. When Eren had deliberately hurt Mikasa, nothing made sense. When Eren had declared mass genocide without a sliver of negotiation, Armin tried, he really did... But how could he possibly understand?

Thinking about it made his head hurt. All he wanted to do at this moment was take a long, long nap, perhaps forever. He was so tired. He hadn't been able to properly rest in years, beginning from the very day his hometown was destroyed. But everyone else was strong while he was weak. So he, too, needed to grow strong. For humanity. For his friends...

For himself.

He closed his eyes.

When he opened them, he noticed the scenery had changed. Looking ahead, he could faintly see a figure standing in front of the branches' intense blue glow. The branches sprouted out high above them like arms reaching out for something unable to be seen. Despite being a silhouette against the brightness of the tree, the figure was the first that had caught Armin's attention.

Who else could it be? There stood Eren, directly facing Armin. He was too far for Armin to recognize what expression he was making, but Armin could perfectly envision his solemn frown.

Armin recalled all those times he had called out to Eren. First, to show him a new discovery Armin had found incredible. Then, to calm him from fighting with Jean over something insignificant like harmless name-calling or honest mistakes. Afterward, in fear that he would get himself hurt. Later, because he was recklessly risking others' safety. Not long ago, in a final attempt to reason with him before he tore the world to shreds. And now that it had all happened, Armin stood bravely in front of the man who he was sorry to be hesitant to call his best friend. He sighed. The thought made him unbearably sad.

He wished he could sit down. The heaviness of the thunder spears was beginning to take a toll on him, but he refused to be weighed down. If there was a time he ever needed his strength the most, it would be now.

He did not call out, though he wanted to. He wanted to hear what Eren would say - how he would justify all this destruction. For several moments, neither man moved. Armin dropped his head, staring at his dark boots, bold against the pale sand. He suddenly became agitated; furious, even. He yearned for nothing more than to scream at Eren, to talk some sense into him - because clearly, he had lost all traces of any logic. What was _wrong_ with him? Armin could not even begin to imagine what had gone through his head when witnessing all these lost homes, families, and lives. Did he not once think back to when _their_ lives had been ruined the very same way?

Although, the Armored and Colossal Titans' sins couldn't even be compared to Eren's, could they? They were young, brainwashed, and scared, while Eren... Well, he knew exactly what he was doing. He was fully aware of the gruesome outcome, yet continued without hesitation. Armin grit his teeth as anger surged through him like an open dam.

Truly, Armin had never loathed someone as much as he hated Eren in this moment.

"Armin," he heard. The voice barely reached his ears, sounding dull and exhausted. It broke his heart a little that he could barely recognize it - it had lost all its liveliness and enthusiasm. What's left was an empty shell of the innocent, carefree boy who had been ripped away by both the merciless world and his own fatal decisions.

He raised his head slowly, almost as if he was scared that any sudden movement would push Eren away. So many times he had been so close, yet just narrowly out of reach. Then, he would disappear far too soon. Armin didn't want that to happen again.

Eren was much closer than he was before; if either of them took just ten steps towards the other, Armin suspected that they would be close enough for him to make out the bags under his eyes, the hairs of his eyebrows, the curve of his lips...

"Eren," he replied. He feigned indifference, matching Eren's lack of emotion. But the reality was that, on the contrary, he was trembling with the desperation to say so many things unsaid. Now that Eren had successfully executed his plan, what now? Armin's mind supplied him with sickening images of the grim state the world was in. He wondered how many people were still alive - thousands, hundreds, or just mere dozens? He wondered if there was a child as the sole survivor of their hometown, alone and terrified on the other side of the mountains, mile and miles and miles away. He wondered if the child knew this was all Eren Jaeger's doing. He wondered what the child would do if they were to meet Eren; if they would hesitate to kill him. He wondered if Eren had these same thoughts... If Eren even cared at all.

He saw Eren shuffle his feet. Then, he sighed. "How are you?" were the words that came from his mouth. Armin clenched his jaw as red fury blinded his vision. How _dare_ he? _'How are you?'_ What a fucking joke.

 _"Are you serious?"_ At his disparaging tone, Eren's eyes hardened, but he did not flinch nor respond. Armin could feel it violently coursing through his body - the raw need to let everything go, at last. "What is _wrong_ with you? Doing all that stuff on your own, without telling us a thing? Without ever giving us the chance to talk to you - without listening to a word we said?" Armin's throat closed up and he swallowed heavily, willing the tears to go away. He bit his cheek, unable to say anything for a moment. Eren did not interject. Exhaling on a shaky breath, Armin continued brokenly, "I... I just want to know... What were you _thinking?"_

Instead of meeting his eyes, Eren vacantly stared at a spot over his left shoulder. "It was necessary. For Paradis. And freedom." He sounded as if he was reading from a script. It was hardly important, but Armin couldn't help but notice that he sounded like he hadn't slept in days. His heart clenched painfully.

"Do you have any idea what you've done? I wonder how your view was, from up there." Armin's muscles were aching and he was so tired and all he wanted was a break, but he pressed on, because he needed to get these words out. "All those broken homes, lost lives... The state this world is in... Do you realize it's all your-"

Eren cut him off abruptly. "I am free." His tone was monotonous - more matter of fact than anything. Something felt wrong, almost as if he was being controlled. But Armin had given him the benefit of the doubt so many times before to no avail and any lingering faith he had in Eren was long gone.

"All this time, you've been searching for true freedom, as you say. But at what cost? Sacrificing entire populations for your personal benefit?" Armin cried out. "I never knew you could be so selfish."

Eren sneered at him, finally shifting his gaze so that Armin could see every bit of emotion in those eyes. There was jeering, mockery, testiness, and something else that bothered Armin; something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"I suppose you didn't know me well enough, then."

Armin didn't know how to answer to that, so he didn't. His mind was spinning, and combined with the fatigue from carrying the thunder spears, he could barely keep his legs from giving out under him, let alone think straight. Seconds passed, although it felt much longer. There was an imaginary clock ticking away right next to his ear, _tick, tock, tick, tock._ It wouldn't stop speeding up and kept becoming louder and louder and louder, a constant ring in Armin's mind. He grit his teeth, searching and searching for the button to shut it off, but it was hidden and refused to show itself to him. He wanted to rip his hair out.

"You can put them down, if they're burdening you." Armin furrowed his eyebrows, momentarily confused. As his mind cleared a bit, he realized Eren was referring to the spears.

He loured at Eren, shaking his head. "I don't understand you at all."

A pause. And then, "Yeah. Me neither."

"You have to stop it. End this madness. It's gone on long enough, alright?" The grisly memory of the squashed head and bulged eyes assaulted Armin's mind. "You've done enough - no one will dare to declare war on Paradis again, after all this. The Rumbling will have scared them off for centuries, at least. So..." Any resentment he felt for Eren suddenly melted away. For the first time in a long time, he pleaded. "Please. Just stop." The words came out in a hoarse whisper, wispy like loose clouds. Above all, he just wished for the violence and fighting to be over... and to have his best friend back.

Armin caught a glimpse of Eren's face twisting into one of pain before he schooled it back to an apathetic expression once more.

"I... I can't," he faltered before swiftly collecting himself. "It's not over yet. I must go through with it all, until the very end, or it would've all been for nothing... There's no other choice."

"No." Eren raised an eyebrow, unphased by the harsh way he gritted out the word. Armin continued, "You're wrong. You've convinced yourself that this is what you have to do, right?" Armin took a step forward, shortening the distance between them ever so slightly. "Why have you insisted on handling all this by yourself? Why did you push us away? We're your friends - me, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, everyone... They're angry at you, and so am I, but we care about you... You should know that."

Armin anxiously awaited Eren's response, but it never came. "Did you hear what I said?" He asked impatiently. "Why'd you-"

"Cut the small talk," Eren snapped. "You're wasting time. Hurry up and kill me already."

No... "Stop... Please." Armin felt like throwing up. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What's the issue? When I die, the world will go back to normal. The root of the problem is me."

"But..."

"You know it's true." Armin didn't say anything. He _couldn't,_ because Eren was right. He furiously wiped at his eyes as his vision began to cloud with tears. Eren was looking elsewhere, someplace to his right. But why did it matter? He didn't seem to even notice that Armin was breaking down.

After the silence stretched on for too long, he returned his gaze on Armin. "Go ahead. You can finally rid yourself of this disgusting monster." Eren grimaced, gesturing towards the thunder spears tight in Armin's grip. "That's what you're here for, isn't it?"

"You brought me here," Armin countered, taken aback. A dreadful chill crept up his spine and the atmosphere promptly felt like it dropped several degrees.

Eren cast him a stony look. "Only because I could tell you were hesitating. You took too long, so I thought I'd do you - well, everyone - the favor and hurry it up."

Armin took a step closer, heart pounding against his ribcage. Franticness suddenly bubbled up within him, accompanied by the feeling that he only had moments to act before something terrible would happen. In all his years of facing titans and enemy soldiers who wanted nothing more than to murder him in cold blood, this was the single most pure form of terror he'd ever experienced.

He stared at Eren, lips trembling. "You... You know I couldn't."

Eren shrugged. To Armin's disbelief, he appeared... _bored._ "Doesn't matter. It has to be done, doesn't it?"

Armin took several steps towards Eren, beyond distraught. He knew his mind was a mess, unable to formulate comprehensible thoughts. But he couldn't just let this happen. Mikasa would never forgive him. And he wouldn't be able to ever forgive himself, either. "Eren, you- all you have to do is stop it and everything... everything will be fine..."

Eren scoffed. Armin stopped himself from giving in to the urge to shrink away. "You're lying to yourself. I already told you: the only way to stop the rumbling is for you to kill me."

"You can't expect that of me! We... we're best friends... Aren't we?" Armin felt very small in front of Eren's cold eyes. And yet, he looked at Eren desperately, holding on to that last bit of hope that the old Eren had not been completely lost. The one whose eyes had lit up with excitement as he patiently listened to Armin describe all the amazing things they would find outside the walls, the one who had kept his bullies away time and time again, the one who had sacrificed himself for Armin when he had nearly been killed by that titan...

Armin's heart dropped with sudden realization.

Eren regarded him with a look of derision. "You're smart, Armin. I think you know the answer to that."

Armin couldn't speak. He felt as if the world was crashing down on him - well, it was, in a way. In the worst way. "I'm sorry," he suddenly blurted out. He felt so foolish and absolutely, devastatingly miserable. Eren stared at him with a look walking the line between disinterest and callousness. "I didn't... We were stupid. You... You were doing it all for us, weren't you?"

Something in Eren's expression changed, if only for a split second, but it did not linger long enough for Armin to figure it out. _"Weren't you?"_ He repeated despairingly. He couldn't care less if Eren thought he was pathetic; he needed to be certain.

Eren sneered. "I'm not getting sentimental with you. Hurry it up." Armin remained quiet. Eren glared at him. "Can you not even reclaim your own life?"

Armin looked away, eyes downcast. He focused on a slight dip in the sand to keep himself at least a little grounded. His heart thumped so loudly, it nearly drowned everything else out.

"You really are... such a weakling..." Eren's words hurt, especially because it was something Armin already knew. He didn't want to see what kind of cruel expression Eren was looking at him with. "You... you really are..."

As a last attempt, Armin ignored the sting and slowly held out his hand, reaching out to him. "Eren..."

Even though every fiber of his body was screaming at him to stop, Armin inevitably found himself staring into those familiar green eyes, if just a little more anguished, a little less kind.

Armin's hope skyrocketed as he saw Eren's eyes soften - it was barely noticeable but Eren wasn't just anyone to Armin. And just like that, within the span of what couldn't've been longer than three seconds, all his hope came crashing back down. Eren glowered down at him, ignoring his outstretched hand.

 _"Hurry up and do it!"_ He screamed. Armin grimaced, both because of the loud voice and the confirmation that nothing could change Eren's mind now.

He pulled his hand back and clenched his fist, if only for something to ground him. As the world crumbled around them, Armin looked at Eren for the last time, trying to commit his features to memory. Because when he was gone, Armin wouldn't be able to live with himself if he forgot that face.

"Fine," Armin said quietly. He felt so helpless, so defeated. "...I'm sorry." Armin grit his teeth and pulled his arm back before shutting his eyes tightly. "You'll always be my friend," he whispered.

Not allowing himself to hesitate again, he launched the spear straight into Eren's heart. Now, he finally let himself completely break down, collapsing onto his knees and letting the tears fall freely, tainting the sand beneath him. Even behind his eyelids, he could see the blinding flash of the spear activating, but he did not see the sudden look of despair in Eren's eyes.


End file.
